trashcan

nachos

thought I would troll my Mistress with this amazing lunch im about to eat :) set your phazer to Hate

smooth

One of my favorite rituals as a slave is shaving my body, not just because I am a sissy but because of it it feels and what it means. A slave just looks so much more presentable when they are nice and smooth this is important because everything about a slave is a representation of that slaves owner. I remember being so turned of when I saw pictured of Dommes with a hairy slave or a slave with a beard or even one with long hair if it was a male. It just looked stupid to me I guess it doesnt look very uniform or something. But really I think it just looks proper, shows submission shows that you have a routine that you must do for your owner on a regular basis. It is amazing how just such a routine can change a person so much. Today I got in the shower quite scruffy with just the intention of washing up but I looked at my self and thought I should shave maybe just my legs because when I have to shave soon to start my sissy maid duties it will take less time if that is already done. So i grabbed the razor and began to take the first pass along my thigh. As I did so a familar feeling ran through my leg up my spne and back down. With each pass I took it felt less like me shaving my body and more like my Mistress's hand guiding me. When my legs were finished I felt so much more like myself that I couldnt stop there I had to do the rest I did my clit and my upper body. Then I got my favorite body wash and began to scrub, as I cover my self in the feminine sent I was thinging about my ownes rule that I must be clean shaven at all times. This was a rule I came up with infact I assisted upon it for the very reason that when I stepped out of the shower I felt renewed in my submission as if that ritual had affirmed my place at her feet. I ended by covering my newly shaven body in baby oil and running eagerly up to my room to put on my favorite pair of panties so that my day could begin.

dear diary

very soon I will be living my life as a sissy maid 24/7 this is a goal I have always wanted to achieve but have always been to scared to explore my female side to that extent. I do not consider my self transgender but I have been crossdressing for as long as I can remember. I recall putting on costume jewlry when i was very young clipon earings plastic pearls I would pretend I was such a pretty girl though I less than 10 I still understood the wonder feeling I had breaking a taboo. My cousin used to put make up and her clothes on me and parade me around my aunts house like we were best girl friends again I was very young. I would wear my elderly aunts bathing suits and my cousins shoes and panties when they were not around. I beacame a clepto with female garments I would steal them anytime I had a chance. I had a suit case full of them, I loved the smell when opening that suit case it just reaked of a toxic mix of contraban perfume a the strong sent still lingering from their former owners. When we played power rangers or xmen I was always the girls and usally the flirty ones, we would play xmen I would be rogue, power rangers I was the pink one of course, he man I was shera so forth and so on. A time came when kids at school started smoking this was about in 6th grade I was immidetly attracted to it not because "all the cool kids were doing it" because of how attractive girls looked smoking. Not only was I attracted to it I wanted to emulate it so I would steal packs of cigarettes and dress up and smoke pretend I was someones girlfriend and he would light my cigaretts. I sometimes would smoke with my some friends while they thought they were cool feeding their addiction I was feeding a different one a lusting desire to be a girl. Being told I was wrong for this by everyone I came out to about it never made me turn away from my desires for more than a short orgasm shamed moment. I had stolen my aunts credit card numbers to call femdom phone sex when I was about 12 or 13 I would call and listin to the recording and pound my clit. Until my parents found out due to her latest CC bill they went rooting through my stuff looking for the credit card info but instead the found my suitcase filled with my closted same. A kinds ransom in stoled female clothes cigarettes and diapers and of course the credit card number. Furious after confronting me they made me throw the suit case away never to be seen again. When I got older I had confessed my love of dressing to many girl friends and I have such a way about me that they were happy to indulge. I had so often had fantasies of being with men and had probed my pussy more times than I can count but I had never been with a man until I had met a dominate couple off collar me. They were excited to meet told me to pack a bag and they would come get me for the weekend this would also be my first experice serving femme by this point I had gathered quite a wordrobe but no wig or breast forms I would just stuff with tissue paper like an  eager preteen. and try to manage my hair in the most fem way possible with bows and such and I was horrible at doing make up but I managed. Over the weekend they had me dress in tons of diffrent clothes while serving them then on sat night we played for hours she fucked me with a strap on they beat me I ate thier live in slaves pussy until she came. Then when it was time for bed my head was forced on the mans cock. But you can barley call it forced with out reservation i sucked him dry while he made out with his wife. Then finally the first taste of cum that was not my own! I was addicted it felt amazing to had his cock in my mouth after that weekend they gave me a bunch of clothes hand me downs from their oldest daughter and I saved up and bought a wig. It was black and cheap but it made me feel 10x more feminine because I really wanted to attracted more men. I hooked up with severl men since my first time but none had fucked my pussy and I was so ready to be fucked but I guess i suck cock well because they all would come in a very short time then would have nothing left. One time I went to a guys hotel my first time being in drag in public but I was pretty passable due to my size a second or third look might have given me away but I didnt care to much. I marched up to the elevator with my purse filled with cigarettes condoms and lube and a small blue dildo. I arrived and his room excited for my treat he opened the door I closed it behind me with out talking fell to my knees put his cock in my heavily lipstick clad mouth and with in 60 seconds I felt his load go down my throught I swalloed with dissipointment as I looked up he was pulling out and he sat on the bed making claims that he could get hard again and wanted to fuck. So i got on top of him and tried to force a limp cock that was smaller than my clit into my pussy after what seemed like forever of trying diffrent postions me trying to suck him hard nothing ever worked so I left and made the walk of shame back toward the lobby stopping off at the bath room to stick the dildo in my ass then making the rest of the walk. Finally a man spared no time i sucked him for about 2 seconds until his cock was hard then he bent me over spit on my ass and forced him self inside. Now I have had so manythings in my pussy champagne bottles tampons dildos more than I can remeber and it never hurt or if it did it was a good pain but this hurt because it was not a force at which i could not contol. But after about 5 mins of the old in out in out it felt amazing it was so degrading taking his cock the way he used me like a girl and treated me like a girl until the moment he left with that satisfied look on his face I was in heaven. For the first time I realized that I might be gay i have been with many women and never felt anything like that. But i was never really attracted to men just cock and I had never been with a man dressed as a boy always female. I just always liked it better that way because I wanted to emulate girls they have always been sexy to me. That is why I have always chosen to be owned by them because they are powerful men will do anything for a girl. That is why I realized I am not transgender I am a sissy I have no right to be a girl I am to lowley for that I am there simply for the amusement of superiors. As they strip away my man hood I eagerly hand it over but it was always short lived either because I choose to end it for some reason of she does. Then back to boy clothes I go but now I am lucky enough to have an owner who wishes to truly train me as a sissy servant. Train me to be more femme and keep me that way make sure I stay a freak and accept who I am ..her property. So starting very soon I will live everyday as ashlynn the faggot sissy maid to Mistress Carrie. I have my own sissy maid room in the attic where a slave belongs I want to paint it pink and make it as homely as possible I want to put an ac in it so that at times I will be lucky enough to be chained up there or maybe locked in a pink cage. It is a small room but its my maid quaters and I love it, I would like to fill it with cleaning supplies and the vacum and mop. Surrounded by shevs of cleaning supplies when I am in there should do alot to keep me in my place. Mistress also is making sure that I always have long nails this ensures that I feel ultra femme and I must admit I am addicted to them I feel naked with out them adorning my fingers. I love feeling then as I touch or pick something up I love looking at them as they grasp my cigarette. Mistress also has me taking diet pills which are amazing I went from being a compulsive eater to never being hungry and haveing to force my self to eat some yogurt. This will hep me get rid of my gut that really holds me back from being a proper sissy. I would also love to do corset training every day to achieve a better figure. My wordrobe will only grow espically in the iniform department and I couldnt be more excited. We both feel I am more subserviant and proud when female and since all girls need a diary its time to update this one more often. Mistress is working hard to lay a good foundation to start this chapter of our lives and so am I.

beef

I have been in quite a submissive rut the past month or so I am not exactally sure why. I have tried to serve Mistress to the best of my ability but I really didnt get the enoyment out of it I used to. I am not sure why this is either I have tried hard to get back to the place I was before where nothing mattered but her but I just cant do it. It used to be the most amazing feeling serving her I couldnt imagine a better feeling we bonded so much when we played and when I served her. My head constantly bowed to the floor my eyes on her feet or her cigarette should I have been lucky enough to catch a glimpse. But now I feel as though I am in limbo my sister leaving the nomadic lifestyle lack of rules and structure all contributed to this I imagine. Also my owners submissive and needy side is really showing through which effects how much I can get away with and I often test the waters. Mistress says that if she punishes me she is giving in but then what is the point of punishments even existing? It really helps keep rules in place because the rules are also there for a reason. Like at school for example you break a rule you get detention or what ever same concept applies here breaking a rule should require action. Now on to my contestant disrespectful behavior..I am disrespectful to my Mistress alot of the time this never would have happened in the past. I was fully respectful of my owner at all times now there was jokeing but I knew my place and am begining to forget it at times recently. Again this disrespect has no recuperation being a slave is alot like being a kid you have no right to disrespect anyone espically you parents because you are a direct reflection of how they raise you. You disprespect someone you get punished again helps keep you on the right track. Another way to solve this problem is to live in a higher protcol atmosphere. Instead of just being on the floor spend most the time on the floor in a slave position. Instead of just standing stand with good posture head bowed hands behind your back a posture collar helps with posture a great deal since it forces the wearie into an upright position. A set protocol is very good to have to maintain respect because of how proper it looks for you slave to be constantly at attention. Like in the army there is a certin way to do everything and it works so well they soliders respect eachother and respect the higherarchy in the military. It also feels amazing knowing someone cares about you and them selves enough to instill such a protcol. Examples of such things are when walking walk with your head down and arms behind your back unless carrying something, curtsying when leaving and entering a room, a certin way of opening the door and greeting guests in Mistress's home, being in nadu or some other slave position with on the floor the postion of course to suit the situation such as instead of just kneeling being in nadu when idle, or slaves kiss when waiting for Mistress to arrive from somewhere even if its just going out side for a moment because you never know when she will want access to your body, instead of lazily relaxing while Mistress is showing you something on the computer kneel with your hands behind your back. The only realxation of this protcol would be at Mistress's discression and reserved for like kneeling next to her wathcing a movie or something special. Also I can imagine the problem with my attitude being lack of chastity the male orgasam is an aweful aweful thing. Men are driven by their cocks thats all they think about sissy slaves should not care about their clits what so ever they are on this earth to serve and its hard to keep that in mind sometimes. However I feel as if I am doing quite well concidering i do not have my cage on. There are all things that have been going thogh my head as of late. The strict control is alot of work infact its a ton of work on both parties and I understand that though some things are worth it in the end eventually things become rotuine. But alas I should not focas on my needs but rather those of my Mistress these are mearly feelings, ideas and observations.

Maggi

It was such an amazing experience to serve along side you, I felt very lucky to be a part of your life. I truly believe we connected in an amazing way. We looked amazing serving Mistress Carrie together the way she deserves. I have always said in the past my owner deserves another slave someone to suit her needs as well as my own. The needs I had were very simple I just wanted to help you along your journey so that someone could relate to that amazing feeling I have from my slavery to her. I hold the conversations that we had very dear to my heart. You have a great heart and I think you are a very strong beautiful person despite the low opinion of yourself there are many people who love and care about you. I miss having you in my life in the worst way. I felt so proud kneeling next to you at events and looking to my left to see you walking on your leash with your hands behind your back radiating such a glow of happiness from someone so down all the time. The energy felt when Mistress Carrie played with both of us was beautiful it was those times that made me remember why I wanted to be a slave. I am sorry we didnt get along at times but your emotions are out of control I am aware this cannot be helped. I feel bad that I was so impatient with your disorder but we all have our own way of doing things I am sorry ours was not the same. Never have I seen someone so happy to be of service, you were so very protective of Mistress Carrie that I felt comfortable knowing you could take care of her if I could not and that ment the world to me. As I figured from the beginning your emotions got the best of you and you could no longer handle being a servant. I was far to emotionally invested in you as my sister but i think I wouldnt have had it any other way. The bond shared between slave is uncanny so very strong and I just took a deep breath and let it all in that could have been a mistake but im really not sure. I still feel betrayed by your actions. Very hurt. I was always cautious because of the love you had for andrew seemed to be far greater than the love you had for Mistress Carrie. It showed very clear, from the moment you tried to top me I could tell you were acting and that it really wasnt you it seemed so very forced and unnatural. But when you were serving  you seemed so at peace and real. I spent alot of time sticking up for you to both my Mistress and friends in the community so I feel very stupid when I was proven wrong. I am going on the basis that you could not control your actions that the emotional wall you put up cannot be broken down by anyone. The love I felt for you and even your children was very powerful I put myself out there only to have my heart broken. I took this far harder than my Mistress i guess its because I spent so much time with you and we were on the same level you just seemed to fit in so well. I am sorry beyond words to see you leave this family.

collars

I had something really good to write but i have no idea what it was I completely forgot that really sucks, I guess I can take some time to talk about collars and what they mean . Once upon a time there was a boy who was always in a collar for play for everyday life for anything he had always just assumed that collars where just something worn not something earned. Then a girl came into this boys life and changed all about what he thought. Because the boy loved being on a leash and love to feel that closeness and connection with his owner but with out a collar that was not possible. The girl had a very beautiful collar that she had taunted the boy with the hopes of one day wearing. So the boy worked very hard to wear the collar and did everything he could to learn of its importance. Until one day the collar was place around his eager neck and the boy was to touched and overwhled with joy the he wheped in the arms of that girl for quite some time. This boy then learned a very important lesson that a collar is a symbol of commitment and ownership. Not just something what you wear just to wear.