Normal aint so normal

Its strange that I feel so right sitting in and useing a diaper then anything else, it just feels normal to my sick twisted mind. It is who I am and anything outside of that feels very weird an wrong, so much of my service to Mistress is just being myself. Take that away and I have no idea how to live, vanilla life seems very bizarre most of the day yesterday I felt awkward Mistress was very upset that we can spend time doing the things that bond us and allow us to live our relationship in a way that feels right for us, due to our current living situation these things are very hard. When my diaper went on and both Miss Carrie and I were in little mode we watched cartoons and we just had playful child banter it made me feel so comfortable. I adore moments like this and currently I cherish any moments of our normal life I can steal.

This saturday was a much needed break for us as I feel like one of those people who "live the lifestyle when they can" we hadnt played for a week and at the play party Mistress made sure I knew my place I spent hours worshipping both her boots and the boots and feet of where ever my head was directed. With a very full ashtray I did my best to please everyone while I was beaten and humiliated I was so spaced out that I dont even remember most of it. Think of it like not cumming after a long time and thats the feeling I had, wich in some ways is great but mostly sucks because I am a slave and I need to be able to live as one, the same way Miss Carrie is a Mistress and needs to live as one or things just do not feel right.

Knowing that I am sitting here in my diaper and cuddleing my bear and blanket sucking my paci, as I type this, know is a few short hours I have to get rid of this side of me is so hard to bare. I do not know how people can do it. How do you just turn it on and off like that and why would you want to, people should be educated about things like this and about different lifestyles in general. So its ok for kids to see their parents do drugs, drink, curse, lie, cheat and steal in front of them? But heaven forbid that they see a devoted man truly test his love for the woman he worships and adore in the most primal mode possible. Its wrong just because they dont understand. Someones child complemented me on my collar not realizing what it represented and when I told them they said "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"
This greatly offended me because my collar is very important to me and there is nothing nasty or gross that goes on with it. When I tried to explain this to her she had no intentions of listening, vanilla people have such double standards. I cant serve my Mistress who owns me trains me loves me. But people we live with can webcam with their part time play partner right in front of their child!? Things like this never will make sense to me how is this ok ? But its not ok for my owner to correct my behavior? We used to jsut live this life so casually it came so natural Mistress would relax with a cigarette while I waited for her to fill my ashtray ..these things were once everyday life now they are few and far between. I miss you Mistress Carrie.