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I have been in quite a submissive rut the past month or so I am not exactally sure why. I have tried to serve Mistress to the best of my ability but I really didnt get the enoyment out of it I used to. I am not sure why this is either I have tried hard to get back to the place I was before where nothing mattered but her but I just cant do it. It used to be the most amazing feeling serving her I couldnt imagine a better feeling we bonded so much when we played and when I served her. My head constantly bowed to the floor my eyes on her feet or her cigarette should I have been lucky enough to catch a glimpse. But now I feel as though I am in limbo my sister leaving the nomadic lifestyle lack of rules and structure all contributed to this I imagine. Also my owners submissive and needy side is really showing through which effects how much I can get away with and I often test the waters. Mistress says that if she punishes me she is giving in but then what is the point of punishments even existing? It really helps keep rules in place because the rules are also there for a reason. Like at school for example you break a rule you get detention or what ever same concept applies here breaking a rule should require action. Now on to my contestant disrespectful behavior..I am disrespectful to my Mistress alot of the time this never would have happened in the past. I was fully respectful of my owner at all times now there was jokeing but I knew my place and am begining to forget it at times recently. Again this disrespect has no recuperation being a slave is alot like being a kid you have no right to disrespect anyone espically you parents because you are a direct reflection of how they raise you. You disprespect someone you get punished again helps keep you on the right track. Another way to solve this problem is to live in a higher protcol atmosphere. Instead of just being on the floor spend most the time on the floor in a slave position. Instead of just standing stand with good posture head bowed hands behind your back a posture collar helps with posture a great deal since it forces the wearie into an upright position. A set protocol is very good to have to maintain respect because of how proper it looks for you slave to be constantly at attention. Like in the army there is a certin way to do everything and it works so well they soliders respect eachother and respect the higherarchy in the military. It also feels amazing knowing someone cares about you and them selves enough to instill such a protcol. Examples of such things are when walking walk with your head down and arms behind your back unless carrying something, curtsying when leaving and entering a room, a certin way of opening the door and greeting guests in Mistress's home, being in nadu or some other slave position with on the floor the postion of course to suit the situation such as instead of just kneeling being in nadu when idle, or slaves kiss when waiting for Mistress to arrive from somewhere even if its just going out side for a moment because you never know when she will want access to your body, instead of lazily relaxing while Mistress is showing you something on the computer kneel with your hands behind your back. The only realxation of this protcol would be at Mistress's discression and reserved for like kneeling next to her wathcing a movie or something special. Also I can imagine the problem with my attitude being lack of chastity the male orgasam is an aweful aweful thing. Men are driven by their cocks thats all they think about sissy slaves should not care about their clits what so ever they are on this earth to serve and its hard to keep that in mind sometimes. However I feel as if I am doing quite well concidering i do not have my cage on. There are all things that have been going thogh my head as of late. The strict control is alot of work infact its a ton of work on both parties and I understand that though some things are worth it in the end eventually things become rotuine. But alas I should not focas on my needs but rather those of my Mistress these are mearly feelings, ideas and observations.