collars

I had something really good to write but i have no idea what it was I completely forgot that really sucks, I guess I can take some time to talk about collars and what they mean . Once upon a time there was a boy who was always in a collar for play for everyday life for anything he had always just assumed that collars where just something worn not something earned. Then a girl came into this boys life and changed all about what he thought. Because the boy loved being on a leash and love to feel that closeness and connection with his owner but with out a collar that was not possible. The girl had a very beautiful collar that she had taunted the boy with the hopes of one day wearing. So the boy worked very hard to wear the collar and did everything he could to learn of its importance. Until one day the collar was place around his eager neck and the boy was to touched and overwhled with joy the he wheped in the arms of that girl for quite some time. This boy then learned a very important lesson that a collar is a symbol of commitment and ownership. Not just something what you wear just to wear.

cold

I am trying to write but the baby is crying and its drving me insane i surely remember why I do not want kids they are noisy and crazy. It is as if there is nothing you can do to please its crazy stressful just having them. I cant imagine owning 2 slaves that must be insane. All my life I have wanted siblings but they distract from my serving sometimes and I find that i much rather be left alone to my own devices. Espically with my sister because she like a real sister gets on my nerves from time to time but I do lover her wish makes me wonder if I am investing to much time and energy and emotion into what could be a let down. She is hard to work with like she has a certain way things need to be done ...Her way but that isnt to say her way as in she will explain how she wants it done it just means her way as in she has to do it if anyone else does it she will go crazy. Her emotions seems very false at time other then when she shows anger or sadness there is no actual emotion that I am aware of it is a very tough skin to crack. I wish there was a way to get through that skin and show her that it is ok to show how she feels or maybe she feels nothing at all other than just the control she desires from Mistress. Also her kids sometimes drive me insane but that is just kids in general. I feel like I have been a private person my whole life so has my owner and kids invade the privacy constantly. I am hiding in a dark whole away from every one so that I can attempt to write my journal in peace and yet still the children have managed to find me and the babies screams have managed to reach me. I wish that my sister was treated more like a slave and less like an equal at times it just seems unfair but this is all new anyway...also she says she hates the cold and it is freezing in her house all of the time.

punishment

Punishment is one of the most important things for a slave, it means more than just correcting a mistake. It means that your owner took the time to make sure you learn from that mistake. A firm hand guiding you take you so far and the care if take to correct someones behavior is such a primal urge there is no reason not to give into it. A punishment means that you may have messed up but there will be a tomorrow and that you can try harder to please your owner. I feel amazing after a punishment I feel as if all the planets are aligned and everything is right with the world. Punishments come in all shapes and sizes so to speak they can range from a firm handed spanking to writing lines. But one of the worst things you can do for a slave is suspended the very thing that keeps them going in day to day life...their slavery. Because with out the right to be a slave they are just nothing just a normal person feeling empty and in limbo wondering weather or not the privilege of being a slave will ever be reinstated. For some a punishment is a test of strength and devotion, some people crack under this pressure and find that slavery is not infact for them. But one who is truly devoted to its owner will punish them selves far worse than their owner could ever do. I know for me there has been more than once I have felt so bad about disappointing my owner that it has brought me to tears. Also I have witnessed my sister go through the same thing during her first time disappointing her owner. We are all human and even owners make mistakes but what is most important is learning and evolving from them.

making changes

Some time things always happen for a reason and a wonderful subbie girl just fell into Mistress Carries lap and I feel such a close connection with her as does my owner. Though she is emotional unstable right now my hope is that she will be guided through this time and everything will turn out for the best. Sometimes making choices can be hard so can making changes epically those that effect other people. She is someone who love to have so much control over everything in her life. She wont even allow me to do her dishes because they have to be completed a certain way which is a reason her house may have been such a wreak. I tend to find that rituals like that become heavy and may seem like alot of work because they must be done perfect each time. She feels as I one did and still do that she had just woken up a slave and had been serving Mistress Carrie forever and I describe how I had felt the same way like being hit by a train and then her love and power flowing through you as if it had alway been there. She seems like such a perfect fit we all get along great she is very respectful and aware of her place. She has assets that make a good slave that you cannot teach someone with Mistress's guidance she could be an amazing person and an amazing servant. 

wiener dog

as I speak to Miss Maggi about her submission to my owner I realize I have went through the same things that she is and in about the same amount of time. I recall being conflicted and I always looked to my Mistress for guidance, she always knows the right thing to say the right words and actions to use to make sure you do what is best for you and what is best for her. There are so many different sides to her but one that is always there is she is an amazing Domme. I never really thought about what makes her so good until recently, after seeing Miss Maggis reactions to my owner I thought about what Mistress Carrie does and how she does it. Because Maggi said that she has never been owned before because no one could ever control her and force her to do stuff because she wouldnt let them. But the thing is Mistress never forces anything she just calmly tells you what is happening and somehow you accept it. It never seems forced or like an act and after serving Ms Maggi and that is all she seems to do she will try to bark our orders or insult and will stumble over her own words. Everything just seems like an act then it clicked and I realized that with Mistress Carrie every thing she does seems so natural it has a way of comforting you. For that I am thankful makes me feel so lucky to be hers.

house

It is such a stress reliever to know where you are going to be the day after the day after tomorrow. Nothing make me more stressed that uncertainty these feelings also effect my slavery. When my mind is so heavy i ofter lose track of what is important and ofter over look the future. Knowing in the back of your mind that everything will be ok eventually but not knowing when is always the problem. Not that I am a control freak but I care about what is happening to my family. Now that i know we will be safe is quite a weight lifted off my shoulders so here is to a long and happy life to call our own.

letter to Miss Maggi

You are amazing and beautiful, it is a pleasure and an honor to both serve along side you and serve you. Thank you for sharing your home with us and opening your heart. You are a wonderful person and it means to much that you are apart of our lives. Rarely a I speechless but last night during the most beautiful breakdown I have ever witnessed I was. It was amazing to see you so vulnerable and to watch Miss Carrie comfort you and take care of you it was almost as if you were reborn in her arms. I recall it happening to me a few times before but to watch it from the outside is one of those things you will only witness maybe one in a lifetime. The energy felt in that room must have echoed through the atmosphere. Thank you for allowing be to witness such an amazing thing. You once asked me what I feel the diffrence between a submissive and a slave is and I can surely tell you that that extreme emotional bond one feels with its owner the one that you felt last night and the one I am sure you are still feeling is a very big difference. Not a feeling that of love but a feeling that no matter where you are or what you are doing you are being guided, watched, and cared for. A feeling that in all truth is one I have never found words to describe but it is a more extreme love and passion that is unlike anything I have ever felt before and this feeling is the same for no 2 people alike. This feeling is such an intense feeling of trust and safety that noting is scared because you feel one with that person. Miss Carrie told me yesterday she had thought about you as being hers and smiled. Which doesn't seem like much but for her it is alot I assure you. She is very selective and has taken quite a liking to you. You had said that you needed her and she caressed your head and said "Mine" is a soft sweet voice. But it was such a powerful thing to say and even as she was leaving this morning she said "I like her :)" to me.  She had told me that everything happens for a reason and it would appear that the off chance that you invited us into your home may have brought us all together for a greater purpose.
-Ashe

PS you will find that everything here is spelled right only because I used Google chrome <3

equals

A slave is not an equal its is nothing but an object sometimes it feels like maybe it and its Mistress forget this and act as if we are equals. Slave is here for service nothing more it is here to serve its Mistress's every demand it seems to be forgetting its place from time to time. Slave should show respect to its Mistress as it is lucky to even be in the same room with her. its eyes should be down at all times as it is not worthy to look at its owner its Mistress deserves nothing but the most up most protocol and respect for her property. Slave has no rights, privacy or say in anything it does, its only purpose is to do as it is told. When it is idle it should kneel silently and speak when spoken to as a slave should. So many of its rules and protocols have been neglected and so many actions have been overlooked. A slave is not a person it needs correction and direction to succeed in its every day life. Mistress Carrie is a Goddess and needs to be worshiped at all times Her slave is here only as her servant nothing more its only purpose is to be humble and make her proud. it is noting but a puppet for its Mistress.

cats

Mistress was very mean to it last night she treated like shit she was strict and demanding very stern in her voice and actions this slave was in heaven. All it was thinking was it didnt care how much pain it had to suffer to get treated like this. Slave still hasnt figured out a way to revive this amazing treatment more often, it has tried being good it has tried being bad. It would seem this proper treatment of her slave is completely random, when it starts her slave never wants it to stop. There is no need for it to go on and on about how this treatment makes it feel its Mistress already knows this. It longs to suffer for its Mistress to show its devotion to be put in its place that it seems to be forgetting it is a slave nothing more and an ungrateful slave at that. it is here to serve its Mistress it is here to amuse its Mistress. This slave feels very bad for avoiding its punishment earlier this week it feel like a piece of shit. It is nothing with out its Mistress such a pathetic slave undeserving of its Mistress's attention.

Missing

Last night I got a sudden jolt of horny submission and just couldn't stay off my Mistress's new cock. Its such a perfect black cock after she fucked me and came in my pussy it still wanted more so I blew her cock 2 more times it felt so good when she came in her sluts mouth I just couldn't get enough. Finally when she went to cuddle me I forced her Big Black Cock into my pussy and slept with it there I could feel it stretching me as my Mistess dozed off. What a wonderful way to make love I am such a lucky slave.
Its so weird to go from wearing diapers 24 7 then going to wearing them none this morning my Mistress gave me my bear and blanki and paci then I expected to be diapered but then realized we had none it almost brought me to tears I felt incomplete. I really miss my diapers, I miss the feeling i get squishing around in my own waste I miss  the comfert I get hearing the crinkly noise of my plastic pants. I hate useing the toilet so much it just doesnt feel right I am ment to wear diapers hopefully one day I will live in them again.

nmnjnj joojn

Sometimes I am bad just to see what happens yesterday I avoided a punishment so I felt like I could get away with anything. And I did, I didnt do my chores I didnt really do anything at all an I somehow managed to get away with it. I half expected to get snatched up by my collar and have a cigarette jammed down my thought but no i sat on furniture I didn everything I could to get something or just to see what would happen but instead my Mistress just started cleaning which is something I have never seen her do before. To my surprise she really didnt to anything to get my submission then this morning she tried to take my chastity off and I am thinking why would you want to take that off to clean it while you are not here seems really stupid and defets the purpose of chastity epically with how horny I was from my cuckolding. So i guess I will see how the day goes today I must say Mistress didnt have any pressure to dominate me maybe it was a nice break for her, for me I just woke up not feeling like doing anything but didnt actually think I would.

Cuckolded

Sunday was wonderful Mistress decided to go on the hunt for a real man. She found a black man with a nice big black cock. I was instructed to kneel by the bed and serve any needs they had, I was in a daze most of the time while it was happening it just made me feel so submissive watching her get pounded by his big black cock. I just was hyponitized watching it go in and out of her pussy. I was sure not to make eye contact but I could feel Mistress staring at me the entire time she was getting fucked all that was going though my head was how right it felt to watch my wife get fucked by a real man with a nice cock. I loved watching her suck it she was just acting so slutty a way she had never been with me before, such a perfect Goddess. At one point she was holding his hand as she was pounded from behind and it would have made the best photo because you could see her wedding ring holding his black hand while being fucked. I was allowed the honor or worshiping her feet while she got fucked from behind then when she lit a cigarette while being fucked I almost passed out I wanted to show her respect and not look her in the eye but it was so hard while I awaited her ashes . Mistress degraded me here and there while she was getting fucked but it seems she was far to busy to pay any attention to me at all. Finally after 30 mins or so her Bull came and I was lucky enough to suck the cum out of the condom and fetch him a wet wash cloth to clean his big black cock off with. Mistress is such a wonderful cuckoldress and I am such a lucky cuckold.

022204

slave is back in chastity today and it couldnt be more excited it begun its trial today and so far so good it feel so good to have its clit back in the its home. The cage doesnt seem to be effecting its ownership peirceing yet and hopefully it doesnt at all. So it can stay where it belongs for a very long time.

Last night was amazing Mistress didnt say more than 2 words before it spent most of the night in bondage left alone with its own thoughts. it was mostly thinking that this is its life now and what an amazing thing it is. With its owner coming in the room every now and then for a qucik fuck with her strapon then inserting a large infladable all it could think about was it was going to take whatever its Mistress gave to it . Then after it was allowed to wait in the bathroom while Mistress expelled an enema all over its face it must have swallowed a gallon of her liquid shit. All it could think about is what an amazing life it has to serve such a Goddess thank you as always for allowing it to be at your feet Mistress.

Shackles

it has been locked in shackles the entire day doing its chores and such and this is much harder than it thought. Slave has many chores to do and with it restriction of the cold metal it finds these things quite difficult to do and do well. But it wants more than anything to please Mistress and its suffering in this way makes it very happy. The shackles are very hard to walk in and this slave tried to and due to the restriction it could feel its new peirceing riping. So it was forced to crawl as a slave should be doing, its movement is much more restricted than it thought but it is easily keeping this slave on track and in its place. it cannot wait for a night alone with its owner ...a very mean strict high protocol night this slave hopes.

Mistress is always in control

it is terrified of needles it hates them and everything to do with them, however this is not a hard limit for it. it believes a slave should not have limits and should do what ever it takes to please its owner. This is of course what it thought until it was laying on a medical table about to get its taint pierced. This would be the first periceing it has had since it was 18. it really wanted to please its owner until the reality of the situation at had set in, when it felt that clap on its scrotum. it went into panic mode saying please Mistress it cant do this it is really afraid of needles please no dont make it do this it really really cant do this. its body and mind was in survival mode all it could think about was its self the last thing a slave should be thinking about. But in a calm voice Mistress just said "ok" it was still in panic mode. as it contunited to panic Mistress just kept saying on and she gave Brandi a look as if to say "just wait a couple mins" and finally gave her slave a look as if to say you now you have to do this. Then it calmed down and just wanted to get it over with in less the a second the needle went through its flesh and a shout came from its ashtray as Mistress cupped it with her hand to muffle the screams. Just like that it was over but the most important thing it took from this is that despite what it thought Mistress was in control the entire time and she knew it. That sort of thing deserves respect and it respects her more for it the mental bond she shares with is is uncanny and never ceases to amaze it.

good conversation

it thought it would post a very good exchange between a local friend in the BDSM community...

slave ashe: yea carrie and I often have this discussion and we thought we were pretty low protocol but after seeing many of the so called slaves espically males it is just insane to think this is acceptable

puckpal: Well, oddly, I actually don't care what they do. What bothers me is the fact that they post crap and expect that people have any kind of respect for them... Or should respect them. I find it insulting to the people I do respect.

slave ashe: I agree but it is also their actions on fet that protray them to be somone they are no such as Ms Lisa girl or slave or what ever she is a slave she says she speaks as a slave on fetlife she acts as a slave on fetlife but sat was the first bdsm related event she had ever been to and she didnt act as she is on fetlife by any strect of the imagination and again she is one of those fly by night collarings

puckpal: I still have the emails of her asking if I would top her and now she wants to call herself miss whatever? Yeah, not likely.

slave ashe: LMAO

slave ashe: wow

puckpal: Don't get me wrong... I know lots of bottoms (of whatever stripe) who became great tops but I just don't see her as some kind of kinky prodigy.

slave ashe: well thats not really a strech I mean carrie was a slave for 3 years and has bottomed for many people in the community though she is very secure in her role as a Mistress so I cant say much there

puckpal: Yeah... I agree... The hypocrisy kills me.

slave ashe: and no I agree ..I watched Ms lisa play with that girl on sat night and it was painful to watch she was using a single tail and from what i saw had never done it before because it would just wrap around and hit her in the side and tummy and shit it was fucking horrible to watch this fucking amature hour and this lady use a toy far to advanced for her knowladge

puckpal: Lol... Clearly typing at the same time... Like I said... Bottoms topping has never been my issues... Even slaves who become masters/mistresses makes sense to me... From people who have been around long enough to get a sense of themselves... Have some kind of real life experience.

puckpal: Oh... Don't get me started... I have messages from Kristy complaining to me about how "miss Lisa" was pressuring her to add her as a play partner on fet... Now evidently they are equals... Gag.

puckpal: That's why all of this seems just so absurd.

slave ashe: yes I agree i have toped and been served mainly for experince or to make somone happy because this lifestyle is all I have thought about most of life it has remained the one constant so being young and very experinced I feel insulted that people seem to find this lifestyle a tredy outlet for kinky sex these days

puckpal: And that tiemeup guy that is involved with them? He stole a picture off my profile and posted it on his own... Only took it down when everyone gave him shit for it... Never sent ms an apology though.

slave ashe: yea that dude is real quite I have no idea how he fits in with the clan of white trash that even seems bad by KY standards. I have no idea what his deal is

puckpal: Like I said... If people are in it for the kinky sex that's cool but don't try to build yourself up to be something you are not in a community that will call your bullshit.

puckpal: They all have the same deal... Trying to inflate their own egos.

slave ashe: yes I agree there is no reason to try to hard to be somone else because no matter how hard you try we are not going to respect you for being stupid. I find that most people at least the ones I associate myself with in this community are smart enough to see right thorough that shit

puckpal: I agree... Took me time to find my place so watching people try to shoehorn their way in drives me crazy.

slave ashe: no one has any desire to learn or they are learning from the wrong people things like that drive me nuts to they just seem some random video and decide they are ready to own a slave!

slave ashe: not understanding what an undertaking it is

slave ashe: truly the slave has the easy road

slave ashe: its the owner that does all the work

puckpal: Well, from my perspective... Any kind of top requires a level of personal discipline and I just don't see it with a lot of people.

slave ashe: right it takes alot of it to really own somone and what green gazer and Ms Lisa have are just play partners that dont know any better

puckpal: Yep... And maybe that's just it... Having to watch ignorance take advantage of a greater ignorance... Oddly when I see new bottoms in the community get involved with tops one of my questions is whether or not they will get good experiences and a good introduction to the lifestyle. I've seen people show up, get involved with assholes and leave thinking that the tops they had were the best the community had to offer. I find it sad.

slave ashe: my thoghts exactally and that crew we speak of seem to be kind of to them selves just like a little pocket of our community who seem to share info and idea with eachother in a circle of ignorance that leads to nowhere

puckpal: So I double checked... Exactly 7 months ago, she had no idea what a munch was... So there you have it.

slave ashe: L

slave ashe: M

slave ashe: A

slave ashe: O

puckpal: Well that was then, this is now... My next week she will change her title to goddess or some shit.

slave ashe: "your royal highness owner of many"

puckpal: Many delusions maybe.

slave ashe: hahaha

slave ashe: well i went to my fist munch time to get me some slaves !

puckpal: Or, we met at a party, you should be my slave... I mean seriously... Under consideration? What are you considering her for? The lead in an off broadway version of cats?

slave ashe: i heard she cleans a trailer really well ...that poor girl ....the sad thing is ...every one cant stand her paula that is and Carrie was going to train her to be something respected able and an asset to the community but i was that very same night that she magically became under concideration so Carrie didnt even have the chance to speak to her about it 

puckpal: The blind leading the blind.

slave ashe: truer words have never been said

puckpal: I don't even have the time of day for Paula... I was there that night she was screeching like a banshee... Ruined my night... I could hear her from the smoking room... With both doors closed from the suspension rig... Implement being used? A feather duster! I just kind of wrote her off.

slave ashe: yea that was my first munch in louisville i think Carrie wanted a project more than anything just to show she could mold her into something worth a fuck because when not being played with shes actually pretty respectful ...but yea she has no grasp of what its about and now she never will

puckpal: And education breeds education... Which means she goes out in public pushing her poor education as 'the way it is' and it may lead someone else down the same ignorant path. That whole thing will blow up shortly I think anyway.

slave ashe: that i think to just give it time if she has any desire to be a real part of this lifestyle then she will realize they are no kind of trainers and it will fall apart...if not then she was made for that group

puckpal: I swear to god... I want to update my profile so that it says that I have mcdonalds, burger king and Wendy's under consideration for lunch... I'm going to put every decision I ever make up in public as under consideration.

slave ashe: yea because those are just as trivial of a decision as the ones they are makeing

puckpal: Exactly... Gonna collar me some lunch.

slave ashe: im gonna own this big mac

puckpal: My experience is that Paula has poor judgement with the people she chooses to get involved with... She's young, naive and foolish and is using the lifestyle for personal validation. As a result bad people will tell her what she wants to hear instead of what she needs to hear and she'll get used.

slave ashe: 100% agree again she just doesnt now any better and if she follows these clowns around she never will, the fact that she is young means there is still room to correct and fix what is wrong

puckpal: Then she will move from relationship to relationship rather than getting her own shit together... Not understanding that being a good bottom means being a good, secure, self confident person.

slave ashe: as carrie and I have also spoken about bottoms and espically slaves are some of the strongest people becaus eyou have to be very secure with who you are and have a good understanding of your self to submit to someone else...thats like this boy she is training we dont think hes going to work for her because he is spineless and not at all secure and thats not good qualities in a submissive

puckpal: Nope... And sadly, that's the part you can't train... You can certainly help people find themselves but often, they don't want to be found, as it were... For them, bottoming is an escape... A means for not having to accept responsibility for yourself... You can blame failure on your top and claim success for being a good botto

slave ashe: very well said sir

puckpal: Thanks... My new motto is going to be: before you get a slave, get a clue.