Different World

I feel like im in a different world as if I have been ripped from the numbness of my fantasy life and shoved back into the reality of my pathetic life. I feel paranoid and ashamed but I dont really have reasons why, I feel stressed I feel the weight of the world for no apparent reason. Yesterday I felt all of these feelings, every thing felt weird Mistress didnt try to snap me into submission by being mean and forceing me back into my place witch was weird. I was secretly looking forward to it, Its so calming to have my rights stripped away. The way he i just so commanding and forceful it makes me melt. But it didnt happen and for the first time in a very long time I had freedom, it was really weird to be able to do what I wanted. Mistress hasnt felt well in days and has me very worried this also makes it very hard to submit, my mind is just constantally moving. I cant imagine what she must be going through and the added stress of her roomates, every thing is just a huge hassle. I feel more awkward being vanilla than I do being a slave but around these people I feel like I have to be someone I am not. I just dont know what to do I dont really want to be here but I am scared if I go back home I will never see my Mistress again. I wish she would cuckold me I feel bad that she doesnt get cock or anything and she doesnt seem to care i suppose but i really just want her to be happy. I feel like we are growing apart and I hate it. I have never loved someone so much but I feel unstable right now like I never know whats going on and I hate that feeling. It seems like everything is changing I feel awkward and uncomfortable. I want to go home, at least there I know life sucks.