This saturday was a much needed break for us as I feel like one of those people who "live the lifestyle when they can" we hadnt played for a week and at the play party Mistress made sure I knew my place I spent hours worshipping both her boots and the boots and feet of where ever my head was directed. With a very full ashtray I did my best to please everyone while I was beaten and humiliated I was so spaced out that I dont even remember most of it. Think of it like not cumming after a long time and thats the feeling I had, wich in some ways is great but mostly sucks because I am a slave and I need to be able to live as one, the same way Miss Carrie is a Mistress and needs to live as one or things just do not feel right.
Knowing that I am sitting here in my diaper and cuddleing my bear and blanket sucking my paci, as I type this, know is a few short hours I have to get rid of this side of me is so hard to bare. I do not know how people can do it. How do you just turn it on and off like that and why would you want to, people should be educated about things like this and about different lifestyles in general. So its ok for kids to see their parents do drugs, drink, curse, lie, cheat and steal in front of them? But heaven forbid that they see a devoted man truly test his love for the woman he worships and adore in the most primal mode possible. Its wrong just because they dont understand. Someones child complemented me on my collar not realizing what it represented and when I told them they said "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"
This greatly offended me because my collar is very important to me and there is nothing nasty or gross that goes on with it. When I tried to explain this to her she had no intentions of listening, vanilla people have such double standards. I cant serve my Mistress who owns me trains me loves me. But people we live with can webcam with their part time play partner right in front of their child!? Things like this never will make sense to me how is this ok ? But its not ok for my owner to correct my behavior? We used to jsut live this life so casually it came so natural Mistress would relax with a cigarette while I waited for her to fill my ashtray ..these things were once everyday life now they are few and far between. I miss you Mistress Carrie.
Being in baby mode with you at night is a special bonding moment for me. It gives me a chance to strip my emotions down to the most basic one that I have for you that is in turn.... the most intricate; love. I don't have to be mean or domineering but I get to show you a different side of me. I get to let the stress of work or our situation just melt away as I suck my thumb and snuggle against you, loving the smell of you against me as I lay in your arms. It's a regression we do together and underlying all of it, you still know that you belong to me. That no matter what self I may be portraying, I will always be your Mistress.
ReplyDeleteThis way of play is something that I have had to get used to because I have had to grow in my own self assurance that this would not take away who I am to you. Knowing that I can step in and out of this naturally, gives me confidence in being your owner, your best friend... your soon to be Wife.
I would never try to strip who you are away if nothing else I know my place well. Our bedtime treats are just exactally a like what you said its a way to unwind in a way that feels right for us. We do not have a vanilla bone in our bodies. Thus we have to create ways to express our selves in strange ways. I love wathicng you suck your thumb wet your diaper cuddle your bear. It makes me warm to know we share yet another common interest in being little <3.
ReplyDelete