Sometimes...

Sometimes I just feel like writeing because something sparks me through the day and this is my only outlet. I am one of those people who can do anything I put my mind to. Since I was very young the one constant in my life was that I wanted to serve a dominate. I am also one of the lucky few to realize this early enough to devote alot of my time seeking it. Alot of time experiencing different things and developing a taste for things for things I enjoy and for those I do not care for. Also time was spent doing the best thing of all, being comfortable with who I am and my place in life. Despite people telling me things I enjoyed was bizarre or different no one ever told me what I was seeking was wrong. Not even my parents ever said it was wrong for me to desire the firm hand of a dom female. I have spent to many years feeling out of place when people talk about things that are strange while I think to my self the guy sitting next to you has been locked in a toilet chair and shit on many times and more than one of the boys in this room have responded to my transsexual craigslist ad not realize it was me on a lonely night  trolling for cock.
Up until when Mistress Carrie collard me, collars didnt have the same meaning. I knew that it was a symbol of my devotion and I always wore my collar proudly. However it never felt earned it just felt like I wore it because I wanted to and they could care less as they didnt understand its meaning either. The collar I wear around my neck now is so important and means so much though it may have come fast it is so important to me and I desired her collar so bad. When she put it around my neck I cried with joy because I knew it would be the last time in my entire life I saw my body with out it on. So i wonder how many people take such a thing lightly, do they not understand the meaning. To me my collar means I have been chosen to devote my life serving my owner being with her through thick and thin, always trusting her to take care of me and I of her. It means that I will take pride in following the rules she has set for me and knowing that my service makes her happy, knowing that my suffering brings a smile to her face because I do it for her. I means that I show with pride that I am owned property even to those who do not understand the concept. It means that though my life I will be what she wants me to be no matter what that may be it means she truly owns me.
BDSM collar leashes all these things have always been trendy in the goth and punk communities in fact I can credit punk rock for allowing me to come out of my shell as a submissive though the thoughts have been hidden away my entire life. When in the punk scene I felt very comfortable acting on this instinct , I fond that I had such a passion for it. That it was on my mind all of the time, yet at this age and at this development as a slave I see people trending into the lifestyle and I feel as if I am an elitist because I have far transcended the time of fetishes being a sexual thrill and embraced them as a part of my everyday life and I am with the only women I have ever met who can do the same.