trashcan

nachos

thought I would troll my Mistress with this amazing lunch im about to eat :) set your phazer to Hate

smooth

One of my favorite rituals as a slave is shaving my body, not just because I am a sissy but because of it it feels and what it means. A slave just looks so much more presentable when they are nice and smooth this is important because everything about a slave is a representation of that slaves owner. I remember being so turned of when I saw pictured of Dommes with a hairy slave or a slave with a beard or even one with long hair if it was a male. It just looked stupid to me I guess it doesnt look very uniform or something. But really I think it just looks proper, shows submission shows that you have a routine that you must do for your owner on a regular basis. It is amazing how just such a routine can change a person so much. Today I got in the shower quite scruffy with just the intention of washing up but I looked at my self and thought I should shave maybe just my legs because when I have to shave soon to start my sissy maid duties it will take less time if that is already done. So i grabbed the razor and began to take the first pass along my thigh. As I did so a familar feeling ran through my leg up my spne and back down. With each pass I took it felt less like me shaving my body and more like my Mistress's hand guiding me. When my legs were finished I felt so much more like myself that I couldnt stop there I had to do the rest I did my clit and my upper body. Then I got my favorite body wash and began to scrub, as I cover my self in the feminine sent I was thinging about my ownes rule that I must be clean shaven at all times. This was a rule I came up with infact I assisted upon it for the very reason that when I stepped out of the shower I felt renewed in my submission as if that ritual had affirmed my place at her feet. I ended by covering my newly shaven body in baby oil and running eagerly up to my room to put on my favorite pair of panties so that my day could begin.

dear diary

very soon I will be living my life as a sissy maid 24/7 this is a goal I have always wanted to achieve but have always been to scared to explore my female side to that extent. I do not consider my self transgender but I have been crossdressing for as long as I can remember. I recall putting on costume jewlry when i was very young clipon earings plastic pearls I would pretend I was such a pretty girl though I less than 10 I still understood the wonder feeling I had breaking a taboo. My cousin used to put make up and her clothes on me and parade me around my aunts house like we were best girl friends again I was very young. I would wear my elderly aunts bathing suits and my cousins shoes and panties when they were not around. I beacame a clepto with female garments I would steal them anytime I had a chance. I had a suit case full of them, I loved the smell when opening that suit case it just reaked of a toxic mix of contraban perfume a the strong sent still lingering from their former owners. When we played power rangers or xmen I was always the girls and usally the flirty ones, we would play xmen I would be rogue, power rangers I was the pink one of course, he man I was shera so forth and so on. A time came when kids at school started smoking this was about in 6th grade I was immidetly attracted to it not because "all the cool kids were doing it" because of how attractive girls looked smoking. Not only was I attracted to it I wanted to emulate it so I would steal packs of cigarettes and dress up and smoke pretend I was someones girlfriend and he would light my cigaretts. I sometimes would smoke with my some friends while they thought they were cool feeding their addiction I was feeding a different one a lusting desire to be a girl. Being told I was wrong for this by everyone I came out to about it never made me turn away from my desires for more than a short orgasm shamed moment. I had stolen my aunts credit card numbers to call femdom phone sex when I was about 12 or 13 I would call and listin to the recording and pound my clit. Until my parents found out due to her latest CC bill they went rooting through my stuff looking for the credit card info but instead the found my suitcase filled with my closted same. A kinds ransom in stoled female clothes cigarettes and diapers and of course the credit card number. Furious after confronting me they made me throw the suit case away never to be seen again. When I got older I had confessed my love of dressing to many girl friends and I have such a way about me that they were happy to indulge. I had so often had fantasies of being with men and had probed my pussy more times than I can count but I had never been with a man until I had met a dominate couple off collar me. They were excited to meet told me to pack a bag and they would come get me for the weekend this would also be my first experice serving femme by this point I had gathered quite a wordrobe but no wig or breast forms I would just stuff with tissue paper like an  eager preteen. and try to manage my hair in the most fem way possible with bows and such and I was horrible at doing make up but I managed. Over the weekend they had me dress in tons of diffrent clothes while serving them then on sat night we played for hours she fucked me with a strap on they beat me I ate thier live in slaves pussy until she came. Then when it was time for bed my head was forced on the mans cock. But you can barley call it forced with out reservation i sucked him dry while he made out with his wife. Then finally the first taste of cum that was not my own! I was addicted it felt amazing to had his cock in my mouth after that weekend they gave me a bunch of clothes hand me downs from their oldest daughter and I saved up and bought a wig. It was black and cheap but it made me feel 10x more feminine because I really wanted to attracted more men. I hooked up with severl men since my first time but none had fucked my pussy and I was so ready to be fucked but I guess i suck cock well because they all would come in a very short time then would have nothing left. One time I went to a guys hotel my first time being in drag in public but I was pretty passable due to my size a second or third look might have given me away but I didnt care to much. I marched up to the elevator with my purse filled with cigarettes condoms and lube and a small blue dildo. I arrived and his room excited for my treat he opened the door I closed it behind me with out talking fell to my knees put his cock in my heavily lipstick clad mouth and with in 60 seconds I felt his load go down my throught I swalloed with dissipointment as I looked up he was pulling out and he sat on the bed making claims that he could get hard again and wanted to fuck. So i got on top of him and tried to force a limp cock that was smaller than my clit into my pussy after what seemed like forever of trying diffrent postions me trying to suck him hard nothing ever worked so I left and made the walk of shame back toward the lobby stopping off at the bath room to stick the dildo in my ass then making the rest of the walk. Finally a man spared no time i sucked him for about 2 seconds until his cock was hard then he bent me over spit on my ass and forced him self inside. Now I have had so manythings in my pussy champagne bottles tampons dildos more than I can remeber and it never hurt or if it did it was a good pain but this hurt because it was not a force at which i could not contol. But after about 5 mins of the old in out in out it felt amazing it was so degrading taking his cock the way he used me like a girl and treated me like a girl until the moment he left with that satisfied look on his face I was in heaven. For the first time I realized that I might be gay i have been with many women and never felt anything like that. But i was never really attracted to men just cock and I had never been with a man dressed as a boy always female. I just always liked it better that way because I wanted to emulate girls they have always been sexy to me. That is why I have always chosen to be owned by them because they are powerful men will do anything for a girl. That is why I realized I am not transgender I am a sissy I have no right to be a girl I am to lowley for that I am there simply for the amusement of superiors. As they strip away my man hood I eagerly hand it over but it was always short lived either because I choose to end it for some reason of she does. Then back to boy clothes I go but now I am lucky enough to have an owner who wishes to truly train me as a sissy servant. Train me to be more femme and keep me that way make sure I stay a freak and accept who I am ..her property. So starting very soon I will live everyday as ashlynn the faggot sissy maid to Mistress Carrie. I have my own sissy maid room in the attic where a slave belongs I want to paint it pink and make it as homely as possible I want to put an ac in it so that at times I will be lucky enough to be chained up there or maybe locked in a pink cage. It is a small room but its my maid quaters and I love it, I would like to fill it with cleaning supplies and the vacum and mop. Surrounded by shevs of cleaning supplies when I am in there should do alot to keep me in my place. Mistress also is making sure that I always have long nails this ensures that I feel ultra femme and I must admit I am addicted to them I feel naked with out them adorning my fingers. I love feeling then as I touch or pick something up I love looking at them as they grasp my cigarette. Mistress also has me taking diet pills which are amazing I went from being a compulsive eater to never being hungry and haveing to force my self to eat some yogurt. This will hep me get rid of my gut that really holds me back from being a proper sissy. I would also love to do corset training every day to achieve a better figure. My wordrobe will only grow espically in the iniform department and I couldnt be more excited. We both feel I am more subserviant and proud when female and since all girls need a diary its time to update this one more often. Mistress is working hard to lay a good foundation to start this chapter of our lives and so am I.

beef

I have been in quite a submissive rut the past month or so I am not exactally sure why. I have tried to serve Mistress to the best of my ability but I really didnt get the enoyment out of it I used to. I am not sure why this is either I have tried hard to get back to the place I was before where nothing mattered but her but I just cant do it. It used to be the most amazing feeling serving her I couldnt imagine a better feeling we bonded so much when we played and when I served her. My head constantly bowed to the floor my eyes on her feet or her cigarette should I have been lucky enough to catch a glimpse. But now I feel as though I am in limbo my sister leaving the nomadic lifestyle lack of rules and structure all contributed to this I imagine. Also my owners submissive and needy side is really showing through which effects how much I can get away with and I often test the waters. Mistress says that if she punishes me she is giving in but then what is the point of punishments even existing? It really helps keep rules in place because the rules are also there for a reason. Like at school for example you break a rule you get detention or what ever same concept applies here breaking a rule should require action. Now on to my contestant disrespectful behavior..I am disrespectful to my Mistress alot of the time this never would have happened in the past. I was fully respectful of my owner at all times now there was jokeing but I knew my place and am begining to forget it at times recently. Again this disrespect has no recuperation being a slave is alot like being a kid you have no right to disrespect anyone espically you parents because you are a direct reflection of how they raise you. You disprespect someone you get punished again helps keep you on the right track. Another way to solve this problem is to live in a higher protcol atmosphere. Instead of just being on the floor spend most the time on the floor in a slave position. Instead of just standing stand with good posture head bowed hands behind your back a posture collar helps with posture a great deal since it forces the wearie into an upright position. A set protocol is very good to have to maintain respect because of how proper it looks for you slave to be constantly at attention. Like in the army there is a certin way to do everything and it works so well they soliders respect eachother and respect the higherarchy in the military. It also feels amazing knowing someone cares about you and them selves enough to instill such a protcol. Examples of such things are when walking walk with your head down and arms behind your back unless carrying something, curtsying when leaving and entering a room, a certin way of opening the door and greeting guests in Mistress's home, being in nadu or some other slave position with on the floor the postion of course to suit the situation such as instead of just kneeling being in nadu when idle, or slaves kiss when waiting for Mistress to arrive from somewhere even if its just going out side for a moment because you never know when she will want access to your body, instead of lazily relaxing while Mistress is showing you something on the computer kneel with your hands behind your back. The only realxation of this protcol would be at Mistress's discression and reserved for like kneeling next to her wathcing a movie or something special. Also I can imagine the problem with my attitude being lack of chastity the male orgasam is an aweful aweful thing. Men are driven by their cocks thats all they think about sissy slaves should not care about their clits what so ever they are on this earth to serve and its hard to keep that in mind sometimes. However I feel as if I am doing quite well concidering i do not have my cage on. There are all things that have been going thogh my head as of late. The strict control is alot of work infact its a ton of work on both parties and I understand that though some things are worth it in the end eventually things become rotuine. But alas I should not focas on my needs but rather those of my Mistress these are mearly feelings, ideas and observations.

Maggi

It was such an amazing experience to serve along side you, I felt very lucky to be a part of your life. I truly believe we connected in an amazing way. We looked amazing serving Mistress Carrie together the way she deserves. I have always said in the past my owner deserves another slave someone to suit her needs as well as my own. The needs I had were very simple I just wanted to help you along your journey so that someone could relate to that amazing feeling I have from my slavery to her. I hold the conversations that we had very dear to my heart. You have a great heart and I think you are a very strong beautiful person despite the low opinion of yourself there are many people who love and care about you. I miss having you in my life in the worst way. I felt so proud kneeling next to you at events and looking to my left to see you walking on your leash with your hands behind your back radiating such a glow of happiness from someone so down all the time. The energy felt when Mistress Carrie played with both of us was beautiful it was those times that made me remember why I wanted to be a slave. I am sorry we didnt get along at times but your emotions are out of control I am aware this cannot be helped. I feel bad that I was so impatient with your disorder but we all have our own way of doing things I am sorry ours was not the same. Never have I seen someone so happy to be of service, you were so very protective of Mistress Carrie that I felt comfortable knowing you could take care of her if I could not and that ment the world to me. As I figured from the beginning your emotions got the best of you and you could no longer handle being a servant. I was far to emotionally invested in you as my sister but i think I wouldnt have had it any other way. The bond shared between slave is uncanny so very strong and I just took a deep breath and let it all in that could have been a mistake but im really not sure. I still feel betrayed by your actions. Very hurt. I was always cautious because of the love you had for andrew seemed to be far greater than the love you had for Mistress Carrie. It showed very clear, from the moment you tried to top me I could tell you were acting and that it really wasnt you it seemed so very forced and unnatural. But when you were serving  you seemed so at peace and real. I spent alot of time sticking up for you to both my Mistress and friends in the community so I feel very stupid when I was proven wrong. I am going on the basis that you could not control your actions that the emotional wall you put up cannot be broken down by anyone. The love I felt for you and even your children was very powerful I put myself out there only to have my heart broken. I took this far harder than my Mistress i guess its because I spent so much time with you and we were on the same level you just seemed to fit in so well. I am sorry beyond words to see you leave this family.

collars

I had something really good to write but i have no idea what it was I completely forgot that really sucks, I guess I can take some time to talk about collars and what they mean . Once upon a time there was a boy who was always in a collar for play for everyday life for anything he had always just assumed that collars where just something worn not something earned. Then a girl came into this boys life and changed all about what he thought. Because the boy loved being on a leash and love to feel that closeness and connection with his owner but with out a collar that was not possible. The girl had a very beautiful collar that she had taunted the boy with the hopes of one day wearing. So the boy worked very hard to wear the collar and did everything he could to learn of its importance. Until one day the collar was place around his eager neck and the boy was to touched and overwhled with joy the he wheped in the arms of that girl for quite some time. This boy then learned a very important lesson that a collar is a symbol of commitment and ownership. Not just something what you wear just to wear.

cold

I am trying to write but the baby is crying and its drving me insane i surely remember why I do not want kids they are noisy and crazy. It is as if there is nothing you can do to please its crazy stressful just having them. I cant imagine owning 2 slaves that must be insane. All my life I have wanted siblings but they distract from my serving sometimes and I find that i much rather be left alone to my own devices. Espically with my sister because she like a real sister gets on my nerves from time to time but I do lover her wish makes me wonder if I am investing to much time and energy and emotion into what could be a let down. She is hard to work with like she has a certain way things need to be done ...Her way but that isnt to say her way as in she will explain how she wants it done it just means her way as in she has to do it if anyone else does it she will go crazy. Her emotions seems very false at time other then when she shows anger or sadness there is no actual emotion that I am aware of it is a very tough skin to crack. I wish there was a way to get through that skin and show her that it is ok to show how she feels or maybe she feels nothing at all other than just the control she desires from Mistress. Also her kids sometimes drive me insane but that is just kids in general. I feel like I have been a private person my whole life so has my owner and kids invade the privacy constantly. I am hiding in a dark whole away from every one so that I can attempt to write my journal in peace and yet still the children have managed to find me and the babies screams have managed to reach me. I wish that my sister was treated more like a slave and less like an equal at times it just seems unfair but this is all new anyway...also she says she hates the cold and it is freezing in her house all of the time.

punishment

Punishment is one of the most important things for a slave, it means more than just correcting a mistake. It means that your owner took the time to make sure you learn from that mistake. A firm hand guiding you take you so far and the care if take to correct someones behavior is such a primal urge there is no reason not to give into it. A punishment means that you may have messed up but there will be a tomorrow and that you can try harder to please your owner. I feel amazing after a punishment I feel as if all the planets are aligned and everything is right with the world. Punishments come in all shapes and sizes so to speak they can range from a firm handed spanking to writing lines. But one of the worst things you can do for a slave is suspended the very thing that keeps them going in day to day life...their slavery. Because with out the right to be a slave they are just nothing just a normal person feeling empty and in limbo wondering weather or not the privilege of being a slave will ever be reinstated. For some a punishment is a test of strength and devotion, some people crack under this pressure and find that slavery is not infact for them. But one who is truly devoted to its owner will punish them selves far worse than their owner could ever do. I know for me there has been more than once I have felt so bad about disappointing my owner that it has brought me to tears. Also I have witnessed my sister go through the same thing during her first time disappointing her owner. We are all human and even owners make mistakes but what is most important is learning and evolving from them.

making changes

Some time things always happen for a reason and a wonderful subbie girl just fell into Mistress Carries lap and I feel such a close connection with her as does my owner. Though she is emotional unstable right now my hope is that she will be guided through this time and everything will turn out for the best. Sometimes making choices can be hard so can making changes epically those that effect other people. She is someone who love to have so much control over everything in her life. She wont even allow me to do her dishes because they have to be completed a certain way which is a reason her house may have been such a wreak. I tend to find that rituals like that become heavy and may seem like alot of work because they must be done perfect each time. She feels as I one did and still do that she had just woken up a slave and had been serving Mistress Carrie forever and I describe how I had felt the same way like being hit by a train and then her love and power flowing through you as if it had alway been there. She seems like such a perfect fit we all get along great she is very respectful and aware of her place. She has assets that make a good slave that you cannot teach someone with Mistress's guidance she could be an amazing person and an amazing servant. 

wiener dog

as I speak to Miss Maggi about her submission to my owner I realize I have went through the same things that she is and in about the same amount of time. I recall being conflicted and I always looked to my Mistress for guidance, she always knows the right thing to say the right words and actions to use to make sure you do what is best for you and what is best for her. There are so many different sides to her but one that is always there is she is an amazing Domme. I never really thought about what makes her so good until recently, after seeing Miss Maggis reactions to my owner I thought about what Mistress Carrie does and how she does it. Because Maggi said that she has never been owned before because no one could ever control her and force her to do stuff because she wouldnt let them. But the thing is Mistress never forces anything she just calmly tells you what is happening and somehow you accept it. It never seems forced or like an act and after serving Ms Maggi and that is all she seems to do she will try to bark our orders or insult and will stumble over her own words. Everything just seems like an act then it clicked and I realized that with Mistress Carrie every thing she does seems so natural it has a way of comforting you. For that I am thankful makes me feel so lucky to be hers.

house

It is such a stress reliever to know where you are going to be the day after the day after tomorrow. Nothing make me more stressed that uncertainty these feelings also effect my slavery. When my mind is so heavy i ofter lose track of what is important and ofter over look the future. Knowing in the back of your mind that everything will be ok eventually but not knowing when is always the problem. Not that I am a control freak but I care about what is happening to my family. Now that i know we will be safe is quite a weight lifted off my shoulders so here is to a long and happy life to call our own.

letter to Miss Maggi

You are amazing and beautiful, it is a pleasure and an honor to both serve along side you and serve you. Thank you for sharing your home with us and opening your heart. You are a wonderful person and it means to much that you are apart of our lives. Rarely a I speechless but last night during the most beautiful breakdown I have ever witnessed I was. It was amazing to see you so vulnerable and to watch Miss Carrie comfort you and take care of you it was almost as if you were reborn in her arms. I recall it happening to me a few times before but to watch it from the outside is one of those things you will only witness maybe one in a lifetime. The energy felt in that room must have echoed through the atmosphere. Thank you for allowing be to witness such an amazing thing. You once asked me what I feel the diffrence between a submissive and a slave is and I can surely tell you that that extreme emotional bond one feels with its owner the one that you felt last night and the one I am sure you are still feeling is a very big difference. Not a feeling that of love but a feeling that no matter where you are or what you are doing you are being guided, watched, and cared for. A feeling that in all truth is one I have never found words to describe but it is a more extreme love and passion that is unlike anything I have ever felt before and this feeling is the same for no 2 people alike. This feeling is such an intense feeling of trust and safety that noting is scared because you feel one with that person. Miss Carrie told me yesterday she had thought about you as being hers and smiled. Which doesn't seem like much but for her it is alot I assure you. She is very selective and has taken quite a liking to you. You had said that you needed her and she caressed your head and said "Mine" is a soft sweet voice. But it was such a powerful thing to say and even as she was leaving this morning she said "I like her :)" to me.  She had told me that everything happens for a reason and it would appear that the off chance that you invited us into your home may have brought us all together for a greater purpose.
-Ashe

PS you will find that everything here is spelled right only because I used Google chrome <3

equals

A slave is not an equal its is nothing but an object sometimes it feels like maybe it and its Mistress forget this and act as if we are equals. Slave is here for service nothing more it is here to serve its Mistress's every demand it seems to be forgetting its place from time to time. Slave should show respect to its Mistress as it is lucky to even be in the same room with her. its eyes should be down at all times as it is not worthy to look at its owner its Mistress deserves nothing but the most up most protocol and respect for her property. Slave has no rights, privacy or say in anything it does, its only purpose is to do as it is told. When it is idle it should kneel silently and speak when spoken to as a slave should. So many of its rules and protocols have been neglected and so many actions have been overlooked. A slave is not a person it needs correction and direction to succeed in its every day life. Mistress Carrie is a Goddess and needs to be worshiped at all times Her slave is here only as her servant nothing more its only purpose is to be humble and make her proud. it is noting but a puppet for its Mistress.

cats

Mistress was very mean to it last night she treated like shit she was strict and demanding very stern in her voice and actions this slave was in heaven. All it was thinking was it didnt care how much pain it had to suffer to get treated like this. Slave still hasnt figured out a way to revive this amazing treatment more often, it has tried being good it has tried being bad. It would seem this proper treatment of her slave is completely random, when it starts her slave never wants it to stop. There is no need for it to go on and on about how this treatment makes it feel its Mistress already knows this. It longs to suffer for its Mistress to show its devotion to be put in its place that it seems to be forgetting it is a slave nothing more and an ungrateful slave at that. it is here to serve its Mistress it is here to amuse its Mistress. This slave feels very bad for avoiding its punishment earlier this week it feel like a piece of shit. It is nothing with out its Mistress such a pathetic slave undeserving of its Mistress's attention.

Missing

Last night I got a sudden jolt of horny submission and just couldn't stay off my Mistress's new cock. Its such a perfect black cock after she fucked me and came in my pussy it still wanted more so I blew her cock 2 more times it felt so good when she came in her sluts mouth I just couldn't get enough. Finally when she went to cuddle me I forced her Big Black Cock into my pussy and slept with it there I could feel it stretching me as my Mistess dozed off. What a wonderful way to make love I am such a lucky slave.
Its so weird to go from wearing diapers 24 7 then going to wearing them none this morning my Mistress gave me my bear and blanki and paci then I expected to be diapered but then realized we had none it almost brought me to tears I felt incomplete. I really miss my diapers, I miss the feeling i get squishing around in my own waste I miss  the comfert I get hearing the crinkly noise of my plastic pants. I hate useing the toilet so much it just doesnt feel right I am ment to wear diapers hopefully one day I will live in them again.

nmnjnj joojn

Sometimes I am bad just to see what happens yesterday I avoided a punishment so I felt like I could get away with anything. And I did, I didnt do my chores I didnt really do anything at all an I somehow managed to get away with it. I half expected to get snatched up by my collar and have a cigarette jammed down my thought but no i sat on furniture I didn everything I could to get something or just to see what would happen but instead my Mistress just started cleaning which is something I have never seen her do before. To my surprise she really didnt to anything to get my submission then this morning she tried to take my chastity off and I am thinking why would you want to take that off to clean it while you are not here seems really stupid and defets the purpose of chastity epically with how horny I was from my cuckolding. So i guess I will see how the day goes today I must say Mistress didnt have any pressure to dominate me maybe it was a nice break for her, for me I just woke up not feeling like doing anything but didnt actually think I would.

Cuckolded

Sunday was wonderful Mistress decided to go on the hunt for a real man. She found a black man with a nice big black cock. I was instructed to kneel by the bed and serve any needs they had, I was in a daze most of the time while it was happening it just made me feel so submissive watching her get pounded by his big black cock. I just was hyponitized watching it go in and out of her pussy. I was sure not to make eye contact but I could feel Mistress staring at me the entire time she was getting fucked all that was going though my head was how right it felt to watch my wife get fucked by a real man with a nice cock. I loved watching her suck it she was just acting so slutty a way she had never been with me before, such a perfect Goddess. At one point she was holding his hand as she was pounded from behind and it would have made the best photo because you could see her wedding ring holding his black hand while being fucked. I was allowed the honor or worshiping her feet while she got fucked from behind then when she lit a cigarette while being fucked I almost passed out I wanted to show her respect and not look her in the eye but it was so hard while I awaited her ashes . Mistress degraded me here and there while she was getting fucked but it seems she was far to busy to pay any attention to me at all. Finally after 30 mins or so her Bull came and I was lucky enough to suck the cum out of the condom and fetch him a wet wash cloth to clean his big black cock off with. Mistress is such a wonderful cuckoldress and I am such a lucky cuckold.

022204

slave is back in chastity today and it couldnt be more excited it begun its trial today and so far so good it feel so good to have its clit back in the its home. The cage doesnt seem to be effecting its ownership peirceing yet and hopefully it doesnt at all. So it can stay where it belongs for a very long time.

Last night was amazing Mistress didnt say more than 2 words before it spent most of the night in bondage left alone with its own thoughts. it was mostly thinking that this is its life now and what an amazing thing it is. With its owner coming in the room every now and then for a qucik fuck with her strapon then inserting a large infladable all it could think about was it was going to take whatever its Mistress gave to it . Then after it was allowed to wait in the bathroom while Mistress expelled an enema all over its face it must have swallowed a gallon of her liquid shit. All it could think about is what an amazing life it has to serve such a Goddess thank you as always for allowing it to be at your feet Mistress.

Shackles

it has been locked in shackles the entire day doing its chores and such and this is much harder than it thought. Slave has many chores to do and with it restriction of the cold metal it finds these things quite difficult to do and do well. But it wants more than anything to please Mistress and its suffering in this way makes it very happy. The shackles are very hard to walk in and this slave tried to and due to the restriction it could feel its new peirceing riping. So it was forced to crawl as a slave should be doing, its movement is much more restricted than it thought but it is easily keeping this slave on track and in its place. it cannot wait for a night alone with its owner ...a very mean strict high protocol night this slave hopes.

Mistress is always in control

it is terrified of needles it hates them and everything to do with them, however this is not a hard limit for it. it believes a slave should not have limits and should do what ever it takes to please its owner. This is of course what it thought until it was laying on a medical table about to get its taint pierced. This would be the first periceing it has had since it was 18. it really wanted to please its owner until the reality of the situation at had set in, when it felt that clap on its scrotum. it went into panic mode saying please Mistress it cant do this it is really afraid of needles please no dont make it do this it really really cant do this. its body and mind was in survival mode all it could think about was its self the last thing a slave should be thinking about. But in a calm voice Mistress just said "ok" it was still in panic mode. as it contunited to panic Mistress just kept saying on and she gave Brandi a look as if to say "just wait a couple mins" and finally gave her slave a look as if to say you now you have to do this. Then it calmed down and just wanted to get it over with in less the a second the needle went through its flesh and a shout came from its ashtray as Mistress cupped it with her hand to muffle the screams. Just like that it was over but the most important thing it took from this is that despite what it thought Mistress was in control the entire time and she knew it. That sort of thing deserves respect and it respects her more for it the mental bond she shares with is is uncanny and never ceases to amaze it.

good conversation

it thought it would post a very good exchange between a local friend in the BDSM community...

slave ashe: yea carrie and I often have this discussion and we thought we were pretty low protocol but after seeing many of the so called slaves espically males it is just insane to think this is acceptable

puckpal: Well, oddly, I actually don't care what they do. What bothers me is the fact that they post crap and expect that people have any kind of respect for them... Or should respect them. I find it insulting to the people I do respect.

slave ashe: I agree but it is also their actions on fet that protray them to be somone they are no such as Ms Lisa girl or slave or what ever she is a slave she says she speaks as a slave on fetlife she acts as a slave on fetlife but sat was the first bdsm related event she had ever been to and she didnt act as she is on fetlife by any strect of the imagination and again she is one of those fly by night collarings

puckpal: I still have the emails of her asking if I would top her and now she wants to call herself miss whatever? Yeah, not likely.

slave ashe: LMAO

slave ashe: wow

puckpal: Don't get me wrong... I know lots of bottoms (of whatever stripe) who became great tops but I just don't see her as some kind of kinky prodigy.

slave ashe: well thats not really a strech I mean carrie was a slave for 3 years and has bottomed for many people in the community though she is very secure in her role as a Mistress so I cant say much there

puckpal: Yeah... I agree... The hypocrisy kills me.

slave ashe: and no I agree ..I watched Ms lisa play with that girl on sat night and it was painful to watch she was using a single tail and from what i saw had never done it before because it would just wrap around and hit her in the side and tummy and shit it was fucking horrible to watch this fucking amature hour and this lady use a toy far to advanced for her knowladge

puckpal: Lol... Clearly typing at the same time... Like I said... Bottoms topping has never been my issues... Even slaves who become masters/mistresses makes sense to me... From people who have been around long enough to get a sense of themselves... Have some kind of real life experience.

puckpal: Oh... Don't get me started... I have messages from Kristy complaining to me about how "miss Lisa" was pressuring her to add her as a play partner on fet... Now evidently they are equals... Gag.

puckpal: That's why all of this seems just so absurd.

slave ashe: yes I agree i have toped and been served mainly for experince or to make somone happy because this lifestyle is all I have thought about most of life it has remained the one constant so being young and very experinced I feel insulted that people seem to find this lifestyle a tredy outlet for kinky sex these days

puckpal: And that tiemeup guy that is involved with them? He stole a picture off my profile and posted it on his own... Only took it down when everyone gave him shit for it... Never sent ms an apology though.

slave ashe: yea that dude is real quite I have no idea how he fits in with the clan of white trash that even seems bad by KY standards. I have no idea what his deal is

puckpal: Like I said... If people are in it for the kinky sex that's cool but don't try to build yourself up to be something you are not in a community that will call your bullshit.

puckpal: They all have the same deal... Trying to inflate their own egos.

slave ashe: yes I agree there is no reason to try to hard to be somone else because no matter how hard you try we are not going to respect you for being stupid. I find that most people at least the ones I associate myself with in this community are smart enough to see right thorough that shit

puckpal: I agree... Took me time to find my place so watching people try to shoehorn their way in drives me crazy.

slave ashe: no one has any desire to learn or they are learning from the wrong people things like that drive me nuts to they just seem some random video and decide they are ready to own a slave!

slave ashe: not understanding what an undertaking it is

slave ashe: truly the slave has the easy road

slave ashe: its the owner that does all the work

puckpal: Well, from my perspective... Any kind of top requires a level of personal discipline and I just don't see it with a lot of people.

slave ashe: right it takes alot of it to really own somone and what green gazer and Ms Lisa have are just play partners that dont know any better

puckpal: Yep... And maybe that's just it... Having to watch ignorance take advantage of a greater ignorance... Oddly when I see new bottoms in the community get involved with tops one of my questions is whether or not they will get good experiences and a good introduction to the lifestyle. I've seen people show up, get involved with assholes and leave thinking that the tops they had were the best the community had to offer. I find it sad.

slave ashe: my thoghts exactally and that crew we speak of seem to be kind of to them selves just like a little pocket of our community who seem to share info and idea with eachother in a circle of ignorance that leads to nowhere

puckpal: So I double checked... Exactly 7 months ago, she had no idea what a munch was... So there you have it.

slave ashe: L

slave ashe: M

slave ashe: A

slave ashe: O

puckpal: Well that was then, this is now... My next week she will change her title to goddess or some shit.

slave ashe: "your royal highness owner of many"

puckpal: Many delusions maybe.

slave ashe: hahaha

slave ashe: well i went to my fist munch time to get me some slaves !

puckpal: Or, we met at a party, you should be my slave... I mean seriously... Under consideration? What are you considering her for? The lead in an off broadway version of cats?

slave ashe: i heard she cleans a trailer really well ...that poor girl ....the sad thing is ...every one cant stand her paula that is and Carrie was going to train her to be something respected able and an asset to the community but i was that very same night that she magically became under concideration so Carrie didnt even have the chance to speak to her about it 

puckpal: The blind leading the blind.

slave ashe: truer words have never been said

puckpal: I don't even have the time of day for Paula... I was there that night she was screeching like a banshee... Ruined my night... I could hear her from the smoking room... With both doors closed from the suspension rig... Implement being used? A feather duster! I just kind of wrote her off.

slave ashe: yea that was my first munch in louisville i think Carrie wanted a project more than anything just to show she could mold her into something worth a fuck because when not being played with shes actually pretty respectful ...but yea she has no grasp of what its about and now she never will

puckpal: And education breeds education... Which means she goes out in public pushing her poor education as 'the way it is' and it may lead someone else down the same ignorant path. That whole thing will blow up shortly I think anyway.

slave ashe: that i think to just give it time if she has any desire to be a real part of this lifestyle then she will realize they are no kind of trainers and it will fall apart...if not then she was made for that group

puckpal: I swear to god... I want to update my profile so that it says that I have mcdonalds, burger king and Wendy's under consideration for lunch... I'm going to put every decision I ever make up in public as under consideration.

slave ashe: yea because those are just as trivial of a decision as the ones they are makeing

puckpal: Exactly... Gonna collar me some lunch.

slave ashe: im gonna own this big mac

puckpal: My experience is that Paula has poor judgement with the people she chooses to get involved with... She's young, naive and foolish and is using the lifestyle for personal validation. As a result bad people will tell her what she wants to hear instead of what she needs to hear and she'll get used.

slave ashe: 100% agree again she just doesnt now any better and if she follows these clowns around she never will, the fact that she is young means there is still room to correct and fix what is wrong

puckpal: Then she will move from relationship to relationship rather than getting her own shit together... Not understanding that being a good bottom means being a good, secure, self confident person.

slave ashe: as carrie and I have also spoken about bottoms and espically slaves are some of the strongest people becaus eyou have to be very secure with who you are and have a good understanding of your self to submit to someone else...thats like this boy she is training we dont think hes going to work for her because he is spineless and not at all secure and thats not good qualities in a submissive

puckpal: Nope... And sadly, that's the part you can't train... You can certainly help people find themselves but often, they don't want to be found, as it were... For them, bottoming is an escape... A means for not having to accept responsibility for yourself... You can blame failure on your top and claim success for being a good botto

slave ashe: very well said sir

puckpal: Thanks... My new motto is going to be: before you get a slave, get a clue.

wedding

Tomorrow at 3 pm it will finally be married to the love of its life or as she likes to call it "legally owned" but no matter how you say it, Her slave truly is lucky to have such an honor. Its a rare time in its life where it is so filled with emotion it is at a loss for word. it has always pictured its self being married but never imagined it would be lucky enough to marry its owner. it is even lucky enough to kneel properly during the ceremony. it finds so much comfort knowing there is someone out there for it, someone to share everything with. Mistress will even be getting fuck before and after the wedding to kind of show its new life as a cuck hubby. slave is very excited for this aswell as it has always wanted to live its life as a cuckold and it know its Mistress needs a real man in her life epically after marrying a faggot. A lifetime of serving its owner this slave couldnt be happier a life that so many dream of but only few achieve. Thank you Mistress Carrie, your slave loves you so much.

brother

Mistress is considering a new slave, it is very excited because it feels Mistress deserves as many slaves as She pleases. Clearly it cannot fulfill all of Her needs as a slave and it has accepted this but truth be told it has always wanted to kneel next to another while it serves its owners needs and desires. Someone that it can talk to about common interests and serving our owner. It would also be fun to play with to slaves this can be a way for the slaves to bond and as slaves. it thinks that a Domina looks powerful with an entourage of slaves behind her again this has always been a fantasy of its and being owned 2 other times prior to this it have never become a reality. Its just really interesting to see you owners dynamic though an outsiders perspective and to see how she molds and trains the way she molded and trained it.

its day as a hooker

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it is nothing but worthless property, it will always show its Mistress the respect She deserves.

today it was punished for throwing a fit last week it had to write 200 lines "it is nothing but worthless property, it will always show its Mistress the respect She deserves." this may not seem like much but this was 2 full lines on notebook paper and it had to write it in cuffs. Took nearly 5 hours to complete it could only write about 30- 40 lines an hour.It was great because slave did not have very much idle time and down time is not something it is a fan of. But as it stared at the words it was writing it truly felt safe and comfortable in it submission to her. It was thinking as it hand cramped that it never complains about wearing its chastity anymore it just has an over all acceptance of its place in life and now that its owner is much less lax and more mean strict demanding and observant of protocol. The slave doesnt feel it has the right to bother her with such trivial things such as chastity hurting or the fact she told it to let the dog out even though it had just gone out. It is its, place as a slave to do as it is told with out question. This is the calling of a slave and it is lucky to serve such a wonderful woman.

carnival

Mistress is getting much better at correcting its mistakes yesterday it forgot to chew its tampon clean when it changed it. So Mistress said it had to wear 3 until today so making sure it didnt forget to clean what comes out of its pussy as posted in the rules here is prof of that.

One of its rules is that it is suppose to be smooth shaven at all times it to maintain this is has to shave its entire body about every other day, this process takes about 45 mins and 2 showers. So today it though it would shave in the bathtub. it must say that shaving in the bath tub is far easier then doing so in the shower also is serves as a feminine ritual. Shaving in the tub makes it feel much more girly than in the shower, there is no water constantly hitting you as you try to shave through the lather. You have more light and more control over what is happening in the bath tub.

Today is the little carnival and sleep over it is very excited to be in baby mode for a night ..though it really doesnt know what to expect unlike most there it is usally in diapers 24/7 and it is sure that just because it will be in baby mode that will not hinder it service or its treatment though it is sure Mistress will be sweeter to it than usual it is sure it will be kept in its place.

internet

it met a man from the internet today it had a nice blackmail fantasy because for some reason it thought its Mistress didnt know it was seeing a man.This was very exciting to it and to its owner so its owner allowed it to meet the man. The man instructed it to flag him down when it saw his car between a certain time, slave eagerly looke out the window for the car and at about 12:12 pm it saw the car. it walked outside and saw a grey ford focus and began to wave. The car parked and out stepped a salt a pepper haired mustached man the slave opened the door for him and he instructed it to strip. It took its uniform off only to reveal its chastity the man told it to kneel it said "yes Sir" and did as it was instructed. He looked though the toys and got out its wrist cuffs and a ballgag. He ordered it to cuff its self, it complied then he cliped is cuffs behind its back, it was then ordered to stand a ball gag was placed in its mouth.. The man also grabbed a riding crop from the bag the slave was ordered to kneel and he bagan to ask a series of questions to it. Trying to understand why it would be seeking somone they were just yes or no questions then he said "I will be right back" The slave stayed kneeling and watched the man drive away through a crack in the blinds. A few mins later he returned with a mcdonalds cup it remained kneeling the entire time. The man seemed very paranoid which made this slave very nervous he said down the chair in front of it and took its ball gag out. Then took his shoe off and ordered it to worship his feet and these were ugly toes calised stinky feet not like its owner beautiful perfect peds. But the slave thought at least we are finally getting to some action and after a couple Mins of worshiping his feet it was ordered to stop. Then it was asked more questions....

"are allowed to work?"
"no Sir my job is a slave"

"if you are gay why are you with her?"
"Because she is my best friend she is my everything bdsm is not about sex for us it is about much more"

"what is the dogs name?"
"Basset"

and many questions about who lived her why there were no pictures on the wall where we lived before, and so on this lasted for about 20 mins before it was told to stand and bend over. Again this slave thought finally some action, he began to hit it with the crop in the balls pretty hard slave finally felt good about this. Then more questions...

"How long have you been in chastity?"
"Quite some time Sir"

"When was your last orgasam?"
"about a month ago Sir"

"I bet anything I do to you , you will get pleaseure from"
"Yes Sir"

and so on again....
Then is was told to kneel and was told to show him the bathroom, it was told to put its head in the toilet and drink after taking a few big gulps it was told to stop. Slave was thinking maybe it was going to get piss or something anything! But more questions..

"Why are you seeking somone behind your Mistress's back"
"Guess it is unfulfilled Sir"

"Have you told her that?"
"No Sir"

"Why not?"
"it doesnt  know Sir"

"I just dont get it you are very well trained do you want be owned by her?"
"Yes Sir"

"why so you can just cheat behind her back!?"
"it guesses Sir"

Then it was instructed to go back to the living room the man asked many times if it was nervous it always responded no. it was kneeling and the man pulled his pants down and it was told to lick his ass, finally it thought it was getting bored now some action. it dug its tongue deep in the hairy asshole the man let a couple farts to open his ass so its tongue could get in deep after a brief min or so it was told to stop. Then more questions....FUCK.....

"what is your name slave?"
"ashe Sir"

"what is your full name?"
"brent matthew harris"

"and who gave you the name ash?"
"its owner Sir"

"and why the name ashe?"
"becasuse it is her ashtray"

"your Mistress smokes...it doesnt smell like smoke in here does she take you outside and use you?"
"yes Sir"

"Does she paint your toe nails or do you?"
"She does Sir"

"why that color? any reason?"
"no Sir"

"does she give you a bath?"
"no Sir"

"does she brush your teeth?"
"no Sir"

"do you wear womens clothes?"
"yes Sir"

"full drag or just make up?"
"both Sir"

"When is the last time you dressed"
"about a month ago Sir"

"Why?"
"it only dresses when she allowes her slave to"

"your going to eat my shit?"
"it can try Sir"

"so your gay and you dont want to be owned by a dom?"
"no Sir"

"It just doesnt add up there is something you are not telling me why are there no pictures on your walls?"
"we just dont have any Sir"

"how long have you been eating your Mistress's shit"
"about a month Sir"

"you can eat it all?"
"Yes Sir but she doesnt go that much"

"how tall is she?"
"about 5 7"

"about as tall as you"
"yes Sir"

"when is the last time you worked?"
"a couple months Sir"

"what skills do you have?"
"it doesnt know Sir it is just ok as alot of stuff not great at anything"

"what do you do with that?" (points to xbox)
"pretty self explainitory Sir"
(slave is getting frustrated and bored at this point the man seen nervous paceing and such)

"no its not what do you do with it"
"it guesses you would play video games on it"

"Video games? what type of device is that?"
"an xbox Sir"

"An xbox !? oh i though it was a projector.. I dont know anything about video games probly never will."

The man sits down and asks, "do you watch the news slave?" No Sir the slave responds

"does anyone tell you whats going on in the world?"
"what does that matter?"

"EXCUSE ME"
"what does that matter Sir"

it is instructed to stand up and bend over it receives a very hard strike from the crop mmmmm the slave thought then after only one strike it was told to kneel....

"you are never to talk to me in that tone do you understand slave?"
"yes Sir"

"now does any one tell you whats going on in the world?"
"it knows some stuff Sir"

"did you hear about the guy who met someone off the internet and was killed?"
"what?"

this made the slave very nervous as this is the only thing he said to it in a calm tone as if his demeor changed completely. The man repeated the question  

"did you hear about the guy who met someone off the internet and was killed about a year ago?"

Before the last words were out of his mouth it had undone one of its cuffs and told that man he had to leave... it figured that it was no use to its owner dead and it was already frustrated at the waste of an afternoon it received. But there was quite an adriniline rush when it took a split second to take its cuff off preparing for the worst. Now it is sure that the man was only trying to scare it but never the less that is no way to go about it. It still didnt get what it wanted. :(

rules of play 1.2

• it will always await permission when being allowed to play/serve others.
• it will always remain in chastity when playing/serving others.
• it will serve with the utmost respect to reflect all the hard work of its Mistress.
• it will not allow itself to be heavily bound until a trust is formed between both.
• it will not receive heavy bruising/markings unless by its Mistress.
• it will always practice safe sex.
• it will write detailed journal entries of its accounts.
• it will shower before its Mistress comes home.
• it will keep its Mistress's phone number with it in case something goes wrong.
• it will try to provide an address of where it will be when playing.
• it will never give its full name. 

"it"

This slave is very happy today it feels as if things may be getting back on track with its owner. She has realized that it is truly worthless property and it should be treated as such it is not a person it is a slave it is her slave. Last night and the night before were dark times for this slave as it was unsure of its future. It is ashamed beyond any words at the way it treated its owner and the many rules that it broke for no other reason than it was trying to rebel. Words connot express how sorry it is Mistress it is not worthy of your attention it is truly lucky to have you, you are its best friend its partner for life and above all its Mistress. Things have been going to good since Mistress realized that it is an "it" reather than a person, she knows it is an object for her amusement and it will spend the rest of its life being treated like shit and serving her. Mistress is amazing for being able to put forth the effort it takes to treat her property like shit, showing her love though strict mean protocol. This slave does not deserve compassion from its owner, its owner should not worry about the feelings of her property. The only feelings that matters are those of its owner, this slave looks forward to a life time of being verbally abused and degraded by its owner. It looks forward to receiving the amazing strictness it desires, what a lucky slave it is to have such a wonderful owner, it can assure you that every other slave is very jealous of its life of extreme servitude.

..........

broke more rules today then I ever have...why? I am bored. ....

disappointing cock

I got fucked today by a random guy that I have talked to some time ago who knew I was a slave but I met him on collar me when I was in columbus and had no idea he was from this area. He walked in I was on all 4s in just my diaper which was full of shit. I was blind folded from the time he walked in from the time he left, He walked in and told me to get his cock hard with my mouth and through his pants so I knelt up and began to kiss his semi hard cock. I kiss and licked for all I was worth until his once semi hard cock was fully erect. Then he pulled it out of his pant and fed it to me a nice thick cock was in my mouth I bobbed up and down on it deep throating and worshiping his cock until he asked "you want this cock in your ass? I eagerly shook my head yes with his member in my mouth he told me to stand and bend over. Which I quickly did with my hands on the couch he pulled my diaper down and saw how shitty my diaper was and proclaimed what a dirty faggot I was. He demanded that I beg for his dick which I did and must have done very well because shortly after I felt his hard unlubed cock ram up my ass. At this point I was very thankful for the anal train I endure for my Mistress otherwise it would have hurt. While he fucked my pussy I began to think of Mistress fucking me with her cock and started to moan in excitement when suddenly as fast as it started I felt him shake and grab my hips and thrust. He pulled out, I pulled my diaper up and got back to my natural position of kneeling. Then he told me to clean all the shit off of him which I did and I think I got it all I made sure to pay extra attention to his semi hard cock sucking the shit and cum mixture from it. Then he pulled his pants up and said "see ya" and made his exit. This event was very hot up until he came in under 5 mins I am used to Mistress fucking me for no less than 15 -20 mins at a time so I am very ready to take a hard cock and feel fulfilled from it. I swear I have a love hate relationship with men. I at least wanted a good fuck to go with my humiliation but in any case my Mistress was very kind to allow me to have his cock.

She has also informed me that I will be cuckolded as I can tell she is in need of a real man in her life. I am very excited because she deserves good sex and I want nothing more than her happiness. I can only hope I will get to be there in some way when she has her way with her man but I am not lucky enough to kneel beside the bed, fluff her man , kiss her feet as the fuck or what every my Mistress wants of me during this time, I hope to at least receive a cum filled treat when my owner comes home and tell me the details as I feed on a real mans cum.

Rules 2.2

•  you will greet me properly in a kneeling position
•  Take my purse and jacket
•  Take off my shoes and socks, worship my feet
•  Offer me your cuffs to put on you
• Offer me your leash
• Always make me a drink 
• anything served you will not look at me

• you will assist Me with cooking dinner if I request your help
• When I tell you that I want a bath, you will make sure my bed clothes are laid out, get a towel and start my bath water
• My clothes shall be laid out the night before
• My cell phone shall be plugged in the charger every night
• If I request my cock, you will bring everything that goes along with it
• If I tell you diaper, you will bring everything that goes along with it

• your blog times will be increased to four times per week
• you will fold up the bedding each morning and make sure toys and other items are put away
• you will empty the garbage cans
• you will be in charge of the laundry (ours and towels)
• you will always make sure the dishes are done
• you will always take basset out especially when I tell you to
• you will keep your body shaven at all times
• you will remain on food restrictions and eat what is given to you
• you will serve me my food first and watch me eat before requesting your own
• you will only be allowed to drink what I approve of (This can change at my whim)
• you will always keep your pussy filled unless it is healing
• you will always clean toys with your mouth first before washing them
• your clit will remain in chastity unless it is healing
• you will always ask permission to be excused when in my presence and give the reason why

• your hands will be behind your back when fetching things if Rachel is here
• When Rachel is not here you will continue to crawl when fetching or excusing yourself
• you will be allowed only the articles of clothing to wear that have been purchsed for you 
• When you are leashed you will always hold it in your mouth if I am not holding it
• you will wear a leash when sleeping in bed
• you will ask to use your laptop in my presence
• Always get any door for me
• Carry my purse when out in public
• You will always carry a hair tie and lighter on your person. 
• you are not allowed on any furniture at home without permission
• Eye restrictions when kneeling 
• you wil wear a tampon when I am on my period
• you will always give financial control over to me
• you will provide pleasure to others when I see fit
• you will always ask permission to play video games. 

I truly believe a slave should not be allowed to cum it changes them it makes them not their selves. When a man cums that is usally when a session ends and the same goes for a slave they loose track of what is really important in their lives..serving. I do not like to cum because I do not like the way it makes me think or act, I dislike the person I become when I think with my penis like a normal man. It was said upfront when I served Miss Carrie that sex was not on my priority list and chastity was and that I was to be her cuckold. The idea behind this was that if she wanted sex she would seek it out with other people so that I may be humbled and given another outlet to show my devotion. However this was never the case she is worried about STDs and wants to be safe but doesnt want to use condoms so its quite a pickle. So there is nothing I really can do about that but, I know its not what she wants and I have to accept that but as of late I am not sure what anyone wants anymore its just a very stressful situation and I am finally breaking down and comeing back to reality.

Smoking

Smoking is a very important fetish in our lives when Mistress reaches for a cigarette I quickly follow to light it. Then humbly hang my head an await her ashes and finally she tells me to present and she puts the cigarette out on my tongue and I hold the cigarette butt in my mouth. Protecting it from the dangers of my mouth by resting it on my tongue like a child hiding from monsters under the bed. When Mistress is relaxing at home with a smoke we both become very different people she becomes very mean and assertive I become very docile. This is a bond we share that is unlike any I have ever seen it truly shows how natural my submission to her is. Since Mistress Carrie can no longer smoke in the house due to out living situation people in the house are allergic she hasnt been smoking as much. But last night for the first time in nearly a month Mistress was able to smoke in the house. As soon as I crawled to her with her Marlboro Menthol light 100s in my mouth she snatched them and when I lit her cigarette we both could feel this blanket of comfort and relief. Mistress Carrie said when she put the cigarette out in her ashtray she went numb and limp as if she was in subspace. This is a testament to how powerful this bond is, and how special it is to us. I love everything about this fetish I love the way Mistress acts when she smokes, I love when she throw the pack at me when she wants one. I love letting the butts pile up in my mouth and having to swallow or spit out a nasty film of wet ashes. I love having to perform my daily duties with my mouth full. I love the way her cigarette looks in her hand and wrapped around her lips. I love watching ther smoke exhale toward my low hung head. I love not having the honor to watch her as she smoke and being lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her cigarette clad hand every now and then. Mistress is wearing make up alot more then she used to, she says it makes her feel more dominate and I love that ! She looks amazing in her bright red lipstick and eye shadow, simple things like make up really can make. Someone feel different and I think she should do what ever it takes to continue the amazing hold she has on me. When she has the lipstick on it leaves these wonderful lipstick stains on her cigarette butts that are like a special little treat for me. Strange how things like make up and smoking can really bring out the Domina in my Mistress. She once said something like "strand how a few cigarette butts can bring out the peice of shit faggot that you are" I guess this works both ways <3.

Dr. Jerk

I always have so much to write about in the back of my mind but when I go to write I feel like I waited to long and have forgotten all the things that were on my mind. This is the only outlet I has because as a slave I have trouble expressing myself to my owner verbally so I am lucky enough to have this journal. Mistress is getting a cat scan today to see if there is anything seriously wrong with her and to be honest it scares me to death. I do not trust doctors and I feel like they do unnecessary things just to scare you into spending money. I pushed this to the back of my mind until the very last second when she was leaving and I was kneeling hugging her leg realizing that she is going to the hospital to get the same thing they use to scan for cancer and other serious things. I hope there is nothing wrong with her, I dont know how I would live with out her. I dont want anything to be wrong with her but if anything ever was she is my best friend and I will take care of her always. Mistress Carrie has alot of strength and in her mind nothing is wrong and these doctors are just wasting her time and I admire that but it still scares me just the thought of hospitals, I hate it. Thinking of them putting the one thing I care about more than any thing in some machine. to check for some mystery problem. I feel like they just make stuff up as they go along. They cant function with out your money so they will run you around doing all sorts of stuff just to do it when in fact nothing is wrong at all. At least I truly hope this is the case because I worship and adore my Mistress she is the most important thing to me and will always be.

929-007-811

all I am is a number I wouldn't have it another way. Makes me feel like a prisoner in the service of my owner Mistress Carrie. <3 We got this number for a slave tattoo project we will be doing.

little tykes

My love for my Mistress is borderline obsessive, I think about her all of the time. Every action I made I think how it will effect her. Everything she does I notice, I pick everything apart and analyze it and it makes me love her that much more.That pink bear is Miss Carries bear it represents her slave we share the same key lock marking. Since I told her what the bear represents she will not let it go, I love seeing her hold her to her ashe bear. Its like I can feel her love even through the bear. Mistress and I are both littles even when she is little I still will always know my place as her slave after all she is older :) Its really fun to play and see that soft side of her I adore watching her with her paci and sippy cup while she caresses my diapered bottom and we both cuddle our bears.
We have been taking more photos lately with I love for some reason I am not very photogenic in fact normally I hate photos being taken of me. But I cant take enough with I am with my Mistress its like I feel like the photos will reflect my true self and I can look back at it and be proud of who I am. When I look at a normal photo of me I look awkward and unhappy but when I look at photos of  me that my owner takes I look comfortable and at peace.

satisfaction

I have been trying so very hard to serve Mistress Carrie with such passion, showing her what a dedicated slave I can be. No matter what the situation maybe I carry on with my submission. I want to show her that I play on serving her forever and that nothing will stop my desire to be her slave. We finally got to play a bit this weekend ...it was much needed I loved to feel her burn my flesh as she branded me what I am, a faggot. I loved being her puppy barking, eating bones and playing fetch. I loved when she caned me until I could take no more welting my body so much I could feel the skin raise. But most of all I loved casually watching her rip cloths pins of my useless balls with a wicked grin as she told me she wanted to cute them off because they served no purpose. Also we got to fuck for the first time in a long time and Mistress's new big black cock slipped in with ease I lay there in exactly while she pounded my sissy pussy. Miss Carrie slept with her cock on and the next morning I got the pleasure of being fucked again by my owner!All of these little things makes remaining fully subservient through thick and thin completely worth it.
I find that if I refer to Mistress properly such as "Mistress Carrie" or "Miss Carrie" it tends to command more respect and helps me stay in my place. I just like that way it comes off my tounge for some reason. I was thinking that my owner never gets tired of hearing me respect her she never gets tired of hearing her tittle come off my lips. I think I say Mistress or miss at least 100 times a day and she never seems to get tired of it. She is usually on her game and understands and accepts her role very well, Mistress always refers to me as my slave name and make sure I know how far beneath her I am.
I get such a sense of satisfaction hearing Mistress tell me she is proud of me or pleased or impressed with my performance as her slave. Because I know I will never be good enough for her but I will still try very hard for her. When she tell me these things it just makes me want to push harder to please and amuse her to show her what a good well trained slave I am. My hopes are the I will try so hard every single day that these will no longer become just roles it will become nature. Mistress treating me like the shit that I am while I remain a devoted served for the rest of my life.